How To Talk Dirty Guide: What To Do & Examples Of What To Say

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Ideally, sex is fun and fulfilling, and acknowledging phrasing that didn’t quite land or titillate as it was intended is one way to take some pressure off and keep things light. “It’s not only okay if there’s laughter during sex, it’s great,” says Harris. “Sex should be playful. I encourage people to stop putting pressure on sex and dirty talk and just giggle.” Dr. Tara says one accessible way to talk dirty is to simply describe (exactly) what’s happening as you’re having sex.

Still feeling unsure about talking dirty during sex? Here are 9 tips to get started

In our relationships, we often don’t maintain this dynamic. That’s because there are so many more parts of us than just the sexual being. We enjoy furthering our careers, watching TV, and spending time with other people. Not just because “sex sells.” It’s because we want to experience people—especially women—in their raw, unabashed sexual power. Strippers are skilled professionals at embodying this sexual goddess/god energy.

• The next time you want to make her yours in the bedroom, try a few of these.
• Get better at your sexual communication by talking about your favorite parts and why, anything you learnt, and/or anything you struggled with,” she says.
• “Thanks to group text/chat, sexy talk doesn’t have to be limited to two people,” says Gowan.
• Instead of telling your partner what he is doing wrong, make suggestions about what he can do to you in a sexy voice.

In the heat of the moment, try these mood-enhancers…

I mean, talking dirty is vulnerable, and I feared that seeing professionally hot people fail so miserably and publicly at it might be enough to silence a whole generation. I decided to phone a friend—actually, two of them—for advice on how to vocalize your desire without feeling like a rat-tailed club owner/cult leader on HBO. It’s the most frustrating thing in the world when your mind starts wandering during sex. You’re trying to focus on bringing you and your partner to climax and suddenly you’re thinking about drama at work or how you need to go to the DMV in the morning. How can we dirty talk with conviction if we’ve got stress on our minds?

The human brain during erotic talk

Want to share a fantasy about living on a deserted island where there are only the two of you? Or, want to pretend that a party is winding down and there are only a few of you left and things get more playful? “Because sexy talk can be about fantasy, it can offer people a way to play in a certain domain without wanting to, or being able to, engage in those behaviors,” says Gowan. But if the timing does feel right, dirty talk is a great way to increase both your emotional and physical connection. In fact, erotic talk can boost sex drive and arousal, per a Women’s Health UK report.

• Recalling a night of pleasure is excellent for moments of writer’s block when you want to send a sexy text but can’t think of what to say.
• “Women are more auditory and men are more visual,” she said.
• If that’s the case, he suggests, you could “bring up dirty talk before or after a sexual encounter, so that a sense of arousal is still felt” by your partner.
• Yet, it’s a highly subjective form of bedroom art that comes in many varieties.
• Quite often, epic sex, while being consensual and mutually loving, isn’t necessarily always politically correct, or polite.

When you’re in the midst of dirty talk, you have to be willing to take the absurd with the hot. The invention of the smartphone has been a blessing for many reasons, chief among them that it makes setting the stage for dirty talk a lot easier. If you’ve already sexted with your partner (and 74% of Americans say they have), then you already have a pretty good sense of what kind of dirty talk they’re into.

Whatever happens, you want to avoid the words coming out sounding brash, offensive or derogatory to your partner. It might sound silly, but practicing what you are going to say in advance can really help. If you are alone in your car or at home before your partner gets in, say a few phrases and practice the tone of your voice when you say it to see if it feels right. You will probably feel silly or uncomfortable, but at least you can avoid feeling like this in front of your lover later on. Just like allowing the physical parts of sex to progress slowly, you probably don’t want to go zero to 100 with your dirty talk either. Instead, let it support everything else that’s happening in the bedroom.